Sample Poem with Commentary
Kelsey Donner & Sara Krauss, UR Writing Consultants
Knowing what to focus on in your revision can be difficult. It is always beneficial to ask the professor what he or she is looking for in your poetry, while also keeping in mind the Tips for Revision we have posted elsewhere on the Poetry webpage. Additionally, we have included an actual poem draft written by a UR student, with faculty commentary in the margin. Note how one of the main tenets of poetry-- show, don't tell-- is implicated in this example.
Student The forgotteen trophies gleam in their display cases
Too focused on achieving whatever was needed
I could have been a ballerina, I could have fulfilled
Over Virgil's eloquent epic to achieve that perfect AP score,
to my resume and to the all-too-common notion
When the rejection letter came, all my opportunities
Why did I waste my chance to excel in dance
But I won't whine or exaggerate by claiming
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Professor good start, good details
this seems too explicative-- consider moving directly into 3rd stanza
consider answering the question within the body of your poem
I like where the poem draft is headed. In revision, see if you can do more to show us what your dance means/meant to you rather than telling it. |
Back to 'Sample Poem with Commentary' or 'Handbook for Creative Writing'
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