SIMON SUGGS REJECTING THE FLATTERING UNCTION.

Every body has read or heard of SIMON SUGGS, whom “Jonce Hooper” immortalized; and almost every body is aware that the veritable original SIMON, (whose real name need not be mentioned, because that is no-body’s business, no-how), still lives, in Alabama. A year or two since, he came into Tuskegee, with an almighty long face, and a yard of crape round his hat, and met his friend, Ned –—, when the following remarks were made.

“Byrd,” said Simon’s friend, “what ails you? you look solemn and serious, as if you had met with some misfortune.”

“You know, Ned,” said Simon, “that I have lost my companion.” (He had recently lost his wife, a most pious and estimable lady, by death): “and besides that, I have been thinking a good deal, lately, about my latter end, and the next world.”

“You!” said Ned, “I always thought that you was a Universalist.”

“So I was,” said Simon, perfectly serious and evidently impressed with the solemnity of the subject ; “but I tell you, Ned, there ain’t nary a pair in that hand. It ain’t any use to bluff agin OLD MASTER. He sees every card in your hand.”

K.

Source: Porter’s Spirit of the Times 1.5 (4 October 1856): 69.(University of Virginia Alderman Library, Barrett Collection).

Erin Bartels prepared this typescript.